im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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