i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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