She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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