guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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