You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize