I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize