he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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