So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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