In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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