if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize