woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize