the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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