Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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