Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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