I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize