You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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