Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't shave. On purpose
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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