why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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