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i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
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