I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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