I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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