I smell stomach acid.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have fence marks all over my body
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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