You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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