It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize