i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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