oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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