the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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