I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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