kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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