The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize