Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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