I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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