super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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