Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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