this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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