we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
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