He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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