please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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