He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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