OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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