I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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