It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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