I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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