If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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