How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize