Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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