Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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