So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize