someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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