Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize